I wrote this awhile back and thought I would share. I enjoy writing from peoms to just journaling . I wrote this one day just sitting in my car outside of church waiting for it start. We'll see what this turn into....

I was trying to find a word to describe how I was feeling one day. I lacked understanding of all the things that was transpiring in my life. As I rose to pull myself off my living room floor. My eyes puffy from the tears I had been crying. I’m sure my neighbors probably were wondering what was going on. The volume of the sound that was coming from my mouth was loud. I tried to catch my breath, but I couldn’t. Each time I took a breath the pain increased. I’m grabbing my chest because this pain is a pain I never felt before. Screaming out, “Why?!” as I exhale. Why?? I don’t understand! This isn’t what You promised. My voice fading in and out. As the screams of why continued and tears dropping like bullets on the floor, as my nose is running. Still trying to catch my breath so that I can come up for air and gather myself. Telling myself, Tasha no one cares. There’s no one here to wipe your tears. No one see’s your pain.

After I came to, I finally sat up telling myself to get it together girl. I sat there for a little while chuckling at myself because I just acted a plump fool in my living room like I was at someone’s funeral. I questioned myself, Didn’t something die? Didn’t I just suffer a great loss? Didn’t I just lose something that was promised forever? Then it came to me like an epiphany, lol, but no seriously. A word came to mind that truly described how I felt, “Shattered.” Shattered hmmm what does that mean?? Finally I was able to stand. As the word “shattered” constantly replayed in my mind. I tried to make myself go to sleep, but I was unsuccessful, I was up off and on throughout the entire night. I couldn’t bring myself to pray because I was angry with God. 

Finally, it’s a new day. I get up and do my daily routine and prepare for my day. I get dressed and head out the door. On my commute to work I call my mom and tell her about the word to describe my current space. I told her that my hopes and dreams were shattered. That I was shattered because I don’t even recognize me. Who am I?? What am I ?? I’m shattered beyond recognition.

To Be continued……

Written By: Tasha Marie 

Published by Tasha Marie

Come share my world, my pains and growth as embark on this new journey of my life.

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