➡️Show Me Your Friends and I’ll Show You Your Future⬅️ -Pastor John Faison The importance of having the right people around you. One of the things I was missing when I moved to Atlanta were friends. It made my transition difficult because I wanted what I had back home. I’m very protective of who I allow in my space. My prayer became God staff me with right people. It wasn’t easy because I had to figure out who was really for me. I can finally say after 3 years I have friends. One thing for sure they will not allow me stay where I am. I can be my authentic self around them and have candid conversations. They’ll tell me the truth even when I don’t want to hear it. Make sure you have people that will believe in you when your struggling to believe in yourself. People that will push you and want to see you become the best version of yourself. People that supports you and tell you how proud they are. People who will go to war over you. Listen most of my friends were already building. By me being connected to them and seeing them grind made me want it for myself. Re-evaluate your friends. Make sure you have people properly placed in your life. They’re either adding value to you or taking away from you. * Stop Accepting Mediocre from people when you’re giving them your best. #friendssupportfriends

Family over Everything Sometimes God knows what you need. My family and I celebrated Christmas the weekend of MLK. I contemplated whether I would go home or not until the day I was to drive home. I didn’t feel like being around people; I just wanted to stay home and be by myself in the dark. One thing I know is anytime I’m around family, I get recharged. I mustard of the strength and drove home. I wasn’t expecting what my family had in store for me. As I’ve gotten older, I don’t expect much for Christmas. I just appreciate the time with my family and making new memories. It’s was time to open gifts they made me go first. One by one, I opened my presents and the tears flowed. My family showered me with so much love. What you don’t see are countless tears I’ve cried over the past months. You don’t see the internal battles of me telling myself, Tasha, you’re worth the investment. You don’t see the loneliness I felt and lack of support. You don’t see the exhaustion and the fight in me dwindling. I had given up. I talked myself out, completing my journals and the other things I started. I was over it!! I was sick of feeling like I kept getting the short end of the stick. My family then reminded me of how love I am and how much they believed in me. They sowed into me. It seemed each time I pursued something, something happened that caused me to put it on the back burner. As you can see in this video below, they wouldn’t allow me to give up on myself. Y’all, I was too outdone. My heart was so full from the outpour of love my family showed me. I wasn’t going to post this video, but I hope it serves as a reminder that you have people that believe in you. People that won’t allow you to give up on dreams. Thank you to each person that has sown into to me. Whether it was with your time, insight, money, encouragement, prayer, or being a listening ear to bounce my ideas off of. I’m internally grateful. I’m so excited. Are you guys ready for them (My Journals)? It’s time to build. *Excuse the background. We had a lot going on. All of us were home. *The commentary in this video is funny to me.

Family Is Everything 

The way my family loved on me!!

Stop Accepting Mediocre From People When You’re Giving Them Your Best

Click the link to watch the full video: Stop Accepting Mediocre from people when you’re giving them your Best. – YouTube

Hey you guys! I hope your year has started great. I hope you have been setting yourself up to have a great year by creating your short, long, and quarterly goals. It’s time to make sure we are being productive and going after everything we want in life.

This month, I intended to talk about something else, but somehow, I wound up here. Stop accepting “Mediocre” from people when you’re giving them your best. I learned I was taking what people gave me and not demanding what I deserve. As I look back over my life, the things accepted and allowed was self-betrayal. It painted an ugly picture of how I saw myself. I wasn’t getting anything in return or just getting the bare minimum. (Crazy Right) When I think about all, I offered people and gave, I depreciated myself.

I can’t blame them because I allowed it. You know the saying, “people will do to you what you allow.” I can 100% say that statement is true. Now that I have been doing introspection, I can no longer accept anything. I’m discovering my voice and advocating for myself. I’ve lost a lot of people along the way. Some of the people shocked me. I would never have thought they would be apart of the number. I’ve had hard conversations. I’ve expressed what I needed. I gave them time to put forth an effort and nothing. I can now hold them accountable because I let them know my expectations. I had to become okay with losing people. Do you know how hard it is to lose people you’ve invested so much in and didn’t get a return on your investment? They treated you like you were disposable. Yea, it’s a hard gut punch. I’m getting this grieving thing down. LOL

This year I’m implementing/learning healthy boundaries. I’m focusing more on myself, remembering to put the same energy I’ve giving people into me. It has not been easy. Check out my last two blogs; you’ll understand why. If you have some tips for creating healthy boundaries or some of the things that helped you, please share them. I open to suggestions.

I want to encourage you if the relationship/friendship is worth salvaging, then have a conversation with them. Allow them the opportunity to improve. You know what to do if no effort follows the discussions. We are not accepting Mediocre anymore. Start demanding what you deserve. You’re worth it, and You deserve better. If they want to keep you in their life, they’ll make the necessary modifications. Remember you bring something to the table. Remember, it’s a privilege for them to be apart of your life. You don’t owe them anything.

I pray that God staffs you with people who want the absolute best for you. They don’t only say it, but their actions match their words. You deserve someone to be intentional about you the same way you are about them. And That’s in Friendships and relationships.

Thanks for you taking the time to watch and read my blog. Do you guys want me to start doing more Videos? Let Me Know

Until next time. Be good to yourself.

Tasha Marie.

I’m Proud of You

Hey you, Yes you
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Did you Know?

I just want to tell you how extremely proud of you I am…
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I’m proud of you because you had every reason to quit but you didn’t.
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I’m proud of you for persevering through every obstacle and circumstance.
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I’m proud of you for remaining consistent
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I’m proud of you for not allowing anyone to stand in your way including yourself.
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I’m proud of you for taking a chance on yourself
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I’m proud of you for chasing after your dreams
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I’m proud of you for choosing you!!
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I’m proud of you because when you failed you dared to try again.
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I’m proud of you for being intentional about your healing
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I’m proud of your growth. It’s been beautiful watching you blossom.
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I’m proud of you for conquering your fears. Telling fear to back the Heck  up
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Look at you doing things you never thought you would! Silence every thing that’s telling you, you can’t. Tell em to watch you “Shine” on all them.

I’m cheering 👏 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 for you! You got this!

I Believe You… Keep Going

My Truth: Divorcing Me (Part 1)

This year I grieved something unexpected, myself. I have come to terms with I can no longer hold on to the old version of me. I didn’t understand until recently why this year has been exhausting mentally. Yes, the world we live in has been chaotic, but this internal battle within me has been even more taxing. I’ve been afraid to embrace the updated version myself. She is new, we don’t have history, and I don’t trust her. However, the old me I know her very well, how she maneuvers, her thought process, etc. But no one puts new wine into old wineskins (Mark 2:22). I’ve been trying to do that for some time, and you can imagine my frustration. This is why I have to DIVORCE myself. I have to divorce my old mindsets, unlearn bad habits, and reprogram the way I think. Change is never easy. Even when you know you have to but knowing and going through the process is different.

I have to admit I’m scared. It’s frightening—the mere fact of taking a chance on me. Investing and Believing in myself has been the scariest thing. Why y’all didn’t tell me, it’s new to me. I didn’t have the luxury of witnessing this as I was growing up. It’s something that has to be developed. The baby steps I take are giant steps for me that may be minor to other people. Moving to Atlanta was a culture shock for me. Atlanta was intimidating. I have never seen so many people who looked like me going after their dreams, goals, etc. It peeped my interest. It took away the factor of it not being possible for me. It also made me self-conscious of where I was in life. It appeared everyone knew what they wanted, but I was still trying to figure out what that looked like for me.

This year, the question echoing in my head is what have I accomplished in my 35 years of living. Comparison is a killer. Be mindful of comparing your life to others. I didn’t picture my life being turned upside down like it was, but yet I’m here. I learned a lot about myself after my divorce. I had to deal with myself literally. I had nowhere to hide or run. I was fully exposed. This exposure allowed me to tackled the things I didn’t like about myself, which started me on this journey of healing and becoming the best version of myself. I have to admit meeting myself has been rewarding and scary. I’ve seen a glimpse of her and somehow began to question could I possibly be all I have seen. I automatically disqualified myself. I start to doubt myself. “FEAR” has played a significant role in my life. Fear and I have been in a long term relationship. I’ve allowed “FEAR” to talk me out of my dreams and kill them. Afraid of what if this works. Fearful of not having what it takes. Afraid of success. What does that even look like? Do have what it takes to sustain. It’s crazy to want success but at the same time be afraid of it.

People have the capacity, but it’s just not reserved for you.”

Paris Preyear

Another thing I was afraid of was finding out who was really for me and who was not. This year has been eye-opening. I’ve been paying more attention to how people treat me, and if they’re putting forth the same efforts I have. Especially when it comes to their dreams and what they are building. It has been heartbreaking. I’ve had some hard conversations with my friends. I’ve been more vocal about what I need from people as a friend. I couldn’t hold them accountable for something they didn’t know I needed. It becomes hard once you’ve expressed what you need and no change. Support is more than just words; it requires action. It amazes me the people you’ve invested so much in, and they don’t reciprocate it. You would think it would be easy because of what you’ve given them. However, what I feared became a reality. I’ve watched people give what I asked of them/needed to others so freely, but that wasn’t the case when it came to me. I begin to ask myself if I did something wrong and what made me different. I started focusing on who wasn’t supporting me instead of who was. One of my friends said something so profound to me. She said, “People have the capacity, but it’s just not reserved for you.” It was difficult to hear, but it was a hard truth. How do you move past this? This is something I’m still working through. I will admit I was stuck here for a while. It was something I had to grieve and accept to move forward.

Looking back over this year, I’ve accomplished some remarkable things. I couldn’t see it because my focus was elsewhere. God has a way of getting my attention. I was having a bad day, and he had me make a list of the things I’ve done this year. I’ve done things I said I would never do, dreams that died fulfilled, and I started taking a chance on myself.

In March, I was asked to speak at a Youth event at my church at the time. It was to talk about mental health. Why is this so significant? Never in a million years did I ever think I would be in speaking in front of people. I never felt I had a voice, and I felt invisible. Some of the people I wanted/needed to be there wasn’t. Although I understood why they couldn’t make it, I can’t say it didn’t bother me. Speaking for me was a big deal; I wanted to feel supported. After I finished, the reaction from the crowd was overwhelming. I cried because in that moment, my VOICEmeant something and I felt heard for once. This day was a glimpse of what’s to come for me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y64Z_mr2XLQ I posted my video, and the response I received from it was more than I expected. Someone even reached out to me about a speaking opportunity.  

In May, Tasha Marie Styles was birth. I had my first Virtual consultation. It’s funny because this a dream that died. I found myself comparing my style and how I styled people to others. Although people would ask me to style them or compliment my outfits, I talked myself out of it. I felt my style was just basic, and there was nothing unique about it. As my confidence in fashion grew, I still didn’t pursue it. I didn’t take people seriously when they inquired for multiple reasons. I started doubting my abilities. This young lady was serious and sent me her deposit the same day. (Lol) I had a blast. But May wasn’t finished with me yet.

I still get teary-eyed when I think about this day. Did you know that God still fulfills unspoken dreams? This year I was asked to be a model for Art & Souls Magazine. For the majority of my life, I’ve heard, “You should be a model.” I never pursued it for several reasons. (That’s a story for another day) If you knew my story, you would understand how significant this is. My heart was overjoyed. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I was surrounded by people that didn’t doubt whether I can do this or not. They encouraged me. With each affirmation, my anxiety decrease, my fears of not doing a good job dissipated, and I begin to bask in the moment. They catered to my every need and made me feel loved. It’s something I will forever cherish. This day will forever be engraved in my heart. It was more than just pictures. Hair: Adrian Tabb, Make-Up: Armondis, Dress: Sir Algernon, Photographer: Macy Lemar


August I was a guest co-host on a radio station Hits 92.3 “The L.I.C.K. Morning Show,” I volunteered; who would have thought. After I did, I remember calling my mother, Asking why did I do this. What am I going to talk about? (LOL) I surprised myself. I wasn’t timid, and I had a fantastic time. Being a guest co-host was indeed a highlight for me this year. It showed how much I’ve grown because a couple of years back, I would have never. The love shown was tremendous, and people even said I was natural. I believe they were just gassing me up, but it was good times. You can tune into The L.I.C.K. Morning Show” Monday -Friday from 6am to 10am.

September, Tasha Marie Styles was booked for its first photo shoot. It was for a book cover. Talk about frightening. I won’t lie and say I didn’t doubt myself. There were times I wanted to pull out, but overall it turned out great. My client was happy. I appreciate her for trusting me with her vision.

October I was asked to be a model for Char’s Boutique. Y’all, I thought I was killing in these pictures (LOL). When the pictures came out, I didn’t kill them as I thought. I’ve discovered that I pose weird, and my facial expressions don’t differ. Please don’t get me wrong; I did have some great shots; however, I know what I’m capable of as well, at least when I take my own pictures. This experience helped me realize what I need to work on. There are more things I’ve accomplished this year, but these were few highlights.

After reflecting on all I’ve done this year, I realize how hard I’ve been on myself. It gave me a fresh perspective because I’ve accomplished things this year. My focus was misplaced. I wasn’t giving myself credit for pushing past my fears. I had to say to myself, Tasha, look at what you’ve done. You’re doing it. Why can’t you see it? I couldn’t see because all I hear are the lies I’ve told myself throughout my life. Have you been there? Where no matter how far you’ve come, you’re unable to see your progress? For me, it has always been my voice. Things like, No one wants to hear what you have to say. To be honest, I’ve quit my blog more times than I like to admit. In my mind, nobody cares about what I have to say. Sharing my journey isn’t helping anyone. No one is sharing my post, liking it, or commenting. I was getting caught up on what wasn’t happening and the numbers. I was getting discouraged and wanted to walk away from it all. Something in me wouldn’t allow me.

I have to BEcome her. I have to become the woman I envisioned. Yes, it is scary. No, I have never seen it done before. This is why I must DIVORCE myself. The old me can’t go where I’m going. I can’t afford to hold on to her anymore. I can’t blame anyone but myself because the only person holding me back is me. I have to push past the doubts, uncertainty and keeping myself bound because I’m afraid of what’s on the other side of it. I have to set myself “FREE.” I have to grieve me. This has been the most challenging thing because this space is unknown and unfamiliar. I don’t even know how to navigate through it.

I’m building, and it’s not for anyone else but me. I never pictured this for myself. It’s something that is currently being developed. I have to learn healthy boundaries and how to be selfish with myself. Imagine that, a giver learning to say “NO.” I’m learning to be an advocate for myself because no one else will. I can no longer accept what people are willing to give me when I’m giving them my best. I have to demand the same in return. For me, unlearning, this has been the most challenging. I’ve always been afraid of losing people if I expressed myself. Truthfully, I lost people whether I said something or not. So, if I have to lose you because I speak up for myself, I have to accept it. Maybe you weren’t for me like you lead me to believe. I’m learning that if people can’t see my value, then that’s on them. I’m no longer going to try to beg or hope they see me. These are all the things I’ve allowed, and now I’m DIVORCING them. I deserve more, and I’m worth it. I’m worth the investment. I spent most of my life investing in others and helping them build their dreams. I’ve supported people to no end. I’ve invested time, money, and energy, all the while putting me on the back burner. It’s my turn now. It’s my turn to put that same energy towards me. The same way I cheered for others, I have to do it for myself.

I have to show up for myself now. I messed up and expected the people I cheered loud for to be as vocal for me. Learning how to be selfish when you’re selfless is hard. I’m unlearning it. As you can see, guys this has been a hell of a roller coaster. I’m exhausted and tired. I know you ask yourself how someone like me that is so encouraging and supportive has difficulties believing in themselves. Trust me that is a question I ask myself. I know when I stop believing in myself. Now, I’m in the process of healing the little girl that stop dreaming.

I want to admonish you to take some time to have an honest conversation with yourself. Ask yourself the hard question of what’s stopping you from taking a chance on yourself? I want you to know your worth the investment. Let’s Divorce the old mindsets and become the best version of ourselves. Someone is waiting on you/me. Let’s Become together. As always, thanks for reading my blog. I know this one was a little lengthy. If you haven’t read the letter, I wrote to myself called Divorcing me. Be sure to check it out. Maybe it will inspire you to write one for yourself if you decide to let me know. Please keep me in your prayers and leave me some encouragement to help me along this journey.

Until next time. Happy Holidays Tasha Marie.

My Truth: Divorcing Me (Part 2) A Letter to Myself

Dear Tasha,

It’s over. It’s time for me to let you go. You have held on to me longer than you should have, and it’s killing you. I’m no good for you. I’ve been lying to you because I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve been telling you, you don’t have what it takes. I’ve been telling you, you can’t and shouldn’t, when it was fear telling me you would forget me. Fear telling me if you discover who you are, I could no longer exist in your world. So, I kept you bound with every failure and with every attempt to better yourself that ended badly. Reminding you that you’re worthless and didn’t have what it takes. I would use your mistakes and bad decisions against you. Replaying word curses you’ve spoken and others in your mind. I wanted you to continue to feel lost and remove all hope. I used your past against you. I kept telling you people didn’t see you. They only saw the labels you’ve collected over time.

You see, I always knew you had what it takes because with each blow you overcame. You survived it. Yes, I know it was hard and you wanted to quit. Somehow you found the strength to keep moving and pressing forward. This is why I’m “DIVORCING” you. This is why this time I have to set you free. Because if I don’t you’ll continue to stay where it’s comfortable. You’ll continue to cling to me because the new version of yourself scares you. You’ve had a glimpse of her and instantly began to think you’ll never become her. You tell God he chose wrong. You’ve counted yourself out for so long it made it hard to fathom what’s inside you is needed. You’ve pushed everyone to become the best version of themselves. While you tell yourself you can never “BECOME“. You’ve lost hope and stopped believing completely. You’ve asked yourself how much more do I have to endure? Last year almost took you out. You lost more of yourself than you imagined. You considered ended your life because you wanted the pain to end. You’ve had your share of hardships. You started to believe you can have the life you dreamed of. It seemed you were finally getting your happily ever after and it “SHATTERED” right before your eyes. No one knew that was the last straw for you. No one knew this sucked the life out of you.

This life-changing event propelled you into an updated version of yourself. I know you’re angry. I know you don’t understand why such extreme measures were taken to get you where you are now. You’ve asked God so many questions concerning it. It made you question your faith and stop believing. Tasha, I know you don’t see why it was necessary. You ask yourself why even continue fighting? Please, hear me out. You have to keep going. You can’t stop here. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re closer than you think. I will no longer stand in your way. I now understand you’re not leaving me but you’re just evolving. You’re making us better. You finally see there is more to you than what I’ve allowed you to believe. You now see you’ve been the only one holding yourself back. Yes, it’s okay to want others to come along for the ride. However, they are just a bonus.

You’re a visionary. So, now it’s time to stop running. It’s time to embrace the transformation and quit fighting it. It’s time to let go of the old version of yourself. You haven’t been “HER” for quite some time. You’ve been waiting for your world to fall apart because it always has. Pain has been such a constant in your life. You’ve become blind to when you’ve healed from it. So, you continue to flirt with it (Pain). It’s time to let go of old mindsets, it’s time to unlearn bad habits, it’s time to reprogram your mind. No, it won’t be easy. Change never is but you can do it. You’ll make mistakes but extend yourself grace. People will leave you but don’t allow their absence to stop you. Yes, it hurts because you thought they wanted the same for you. You thought when it became your turn they would reciprocate what you had given them. You were just grieved with disappointment and sad truth. You have feared learning if people had your back as they said. Your eyes have been open, and now you must press forward. I will not allow you to stop here. You have grown tremendously. You don’t give yourself enough credit. You focused on what you have lost instead of all you gained. Grieve it and let it go. You are remarkable. You are resilient and do not be afraid of succeeding. You have what it takes to sustain. I’ve signed and dated the divorce papers. Now, it’s waiting for your signature.

Sincerely,

The old Me,

Style and Beauty w/ Tasha Marie: Enjoying Life

Hey you guys!! I hope all is well. I pray you are making time for self care and for your mental health. It is very important with all that is going on in this world. Be sure you are taking care of yourself so you can continue to take care of your loved ones.

This month I was intentional about getting out and being around people. It was self-care for me as you know this month is bittersweet. Instead of celebrating I’m reminded of what is no longer. Although I’m in a good place it doesn’t make it less difficult. I still remember how happy I was and the joy. I remember how alive I felt. Tears still flow, parts of me still don’t understand and question why? Anyway, I made sure I did things that brought me joy and loved. For a weekend I had something to do each day.

Limited Edition

Now let’s get into this look. You all don’t understand how big this is. I never wear anything short and not without something covering me up. I wasn’t self-conscious and owned every bit of it. I felt comfortable and confident. I was excited because, for three years, I’ve been trying to go to Botanical Gardens, and I finally made it. I was like a little kid on Christmas Day.

Sunday’s: OOTD

This was originally my birthday outfit but my birthday didn’t go as planned. When I first saw this shirt on the Fashion Nova website I had to have it.  This is something you must add to your wardrobe. It’s comfortable and you can dress it up or down. As you can see in the pictures I wore it with sneakers and heels. You can pair this with some jeans, as well.  You’re in luck because they just restocked this item and it has additional colors. https://www.fashionnova.com/products/nothing-like-tunic-top-black?variant=12198267551868

What song you think was going through my head?

This is the only close up I have of my makeup and my wig.  This picture was before I applied my red lipstick.  I’m always surprised when my make-up comes out the way I want. (Lol) Sometimes it can be hit or miss for me. Oh, but on this day, I won the battle even with my brows. My brows don’t always look like sisters. How many can relate? Let’s just say this was a good brow day.

This wig is everything; her name is Ms. Verona. I love the color and how it is made. I may end up cutting it later on for more of a bob look. Note to self do not wear a long wig to Botanical Gardens during the day. I was over this hair by the time we left. I can’t forget about the press on nails I applied. I wanted to make sure I completed the look. I wanted to make sure I finished my self-care weekend with a bang. http://www.shophairwigs.com/outre-color-bomb-i-part-swiss-lace-front-wig-verona

These shoes I got last year from Fashion Nova. They appear to be out of stock. I love these shoes because they are comfortable and of course the color. This gave me just enough to make my outfit pop. The red handbag was a birthday gift not sure where it was purchased. This handbag came in handy and brought a pop of color to complete this look.

Saturday : OOTD

This was on a Saturday. I had lunch with a friend I hadn’t seen in over a year. We were able to catch up and enjoy each other’s company. Our conversation are always so needed.

This wig isn’t new you all know her as Ms. Valentino. When the ends started getting bad I cut her into a blog. You can purchase Ms. Valentino on any wig website. Some of my go to’s websites are shophariwigs.com, elevatestyles.com, wigtypes.com. The earrings I purchased from Shein. https://us.shein.com/1pair-Hollow-Out-Faux-Pearl-Engraved-Geometric-Design-Stud-Earrings-p-1059508-cat-1757.html and I absolutely love them. Do yourself a favor and add them to your accessories. You peep this lighting. I’ve been playing with my camera equipment again. I did a slight beat on my face and these brows though.

I came across this little number on one of my favorite sites gitionline.com I love the color block and the of course the pockets. This dress is no longer available. The shoes I purchased from Fashion Nova. It took me awhile to find these and especially in my size. They are very comfortable you should add at least one pair to your shoe collection. You can wear these shoes with just about anything.

https://www.fashionnova.com/products/corky-business-heeled-slide-cork

Friday Night: OOTD

I decided to try something new and went to wine tasting. It was a good experience and learned a lot about wine. I found out I do not like bitter wine. It’s nasty (lol) I’ll stick with what I know and hopefully get introduced to some knew wine through friends as I have recently. I’m exciting about the new things I have come to love and enjoy.

I met some new people and discussed some interesting topics that seemed inappropriate in other settings. However, it was felt good to be among women who were one with themselves and able to have open dialogue about certain topics. I tried something new which is a big deal for a picky eater like me. I tried SPICY CRAB RANGOON when I tell you they were “FYE.” I should have bought me some to go. My palate is expanding which is a huge deal. My friends be so proud of me. You should see them when I try a new food how they watch me eat to see if I like it. I be so tickled. When I say I do they be excited if it another battle they have won.

I’m still discovering new things about myself daily. I’m becoming more of who I am and stop trying hide from the world.

For so long I shrunk back and remain quiet because I was afraid people couldn’t handle who I was. Although that maybe true for some however you either take me as I am or have nothing at all. (Mary J. Blige Voice) I’m still growing. The same way I except and love you where you are in your journey extend me the same grace.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my blog and showing me some love. Please feel free to leave a comment and share this blog. If you’re not subscribed or following my blog please do so. Until next time stay safe.

I. AM. ENOUGH

Have you ever been in a good place mentally and emotionally? Everything seems to be looking up, and things are moving at a steady pace. You’re not where you thought you would be, but you’re making good strides towards your goals. Your head is finally above water, and you can breathe just a little?  You’re winning in life (LOL).  Then out of nowhere, you find tears streaming down your face. You find it difficult to focus and struggle to get through the day. You’re asking yourself what is going on I was just okay?

It feels like all the work I just did was just surface, and I need to dig a little deeper. This pandemic has challenged me mentally and emotionally. It has been challenging to adjust to my new norm. My home is my safety net, my refuge, a place where I decompress from my day. However, I work from home, and now I’m like where is my release. When I get frustrated with work-home has always been a place where I can forget about it, and now I’m home 24/7. I’m still trying to adjust. Pray for me. You girl is struggling.

I’ve always been transparent about my journey. It seems this repeat offender has a habit of resurfacing. Its something I’ve always struggled with, but here lately, it’s has become more robust. What you ask the feeling of not being “ENOUGH.” It’s easy to regurgitate I am enough because it’s something you have become accustomed to saying. However, when you’re saying it, you don’t believe it. It’s easier to believe the negative things, and on top that life has proven, it’s true. For me, last year solidified it. My past and present collided. The collision/impact was excruciating. The things from the past I hadn’t dealt with and my present echoing so loudly. My present saying, see I told you weren’t worthy of this and my past saying when are you going to learn. You didn’t determine this the last time it occurred or that other time? You didn’t believe the others, so why would you think this time would be different? I’m damaged goods because my innocence was taken away. Your own father walked away from you and didn’t fight for you why would anyone else? Do you not remember when your first boyfriend cheated on you? Do you not remember the last situationship where you could have been a sister wife? Do you not remember him choosing someone else over you. You’ll always be someone’s second choice. Do you not remember giving your all and still getting nothing in return? Do you not remember the constant rejections? Do not recall any of this?

Look at you now? The outcome was the same; you still ended up alone. You failed. You even ended up like your family repeating the same cycle—the shame of it all. Every label seemed visible, and that’s all anyone saw, including me.   

This place felt familiar, but yet different at the same time. Trying to combat the lies with the truth but it fell on death ears. I couldn’t see past my pain. People are trying to remind me of what God says about me, but I wasn’t trying to hear it. Me: God, how could you? Didn’t you hear my prayers? Did you not see my tears? Why didn’t you come to see about me? Where were you? I needed you. Your word says, “you will never leave me nor forsake me,” but why do I feel like you abandon me.

As you can see, I felt low. What was good about me? Nothing, It appeared that it didn’t matter how good I was; it was never good enough. My heart, dreams, and hope had been trampled on. I started questioning everything about me. Was I not a good person? Maybe I am ugly. I felt unattractive. I didn’t feel sexy, and I felt undesirable. Why wasn’t I enough? Why didn’t anyone love me? Was I that bad of a person? What’s crazy is these things began to creep back in my mind. I find myself saying maybe I’m not worthy of love. I find myself questioning my heart and wondering what do people see when they look at me. I find myself getting mad because I want to be like everyone else. Why did God make me this way? 

It’s easy to dwell on the negative things you’ve said and others. It’s easy to harbor on the disappointments, failed relationships/friendships, mistakes, and bad decisions. But guess what even then you were still enough. Throughout every phase, journey, valley, and season of your life, you were always enough.

God Reminds Me

I’ve always been ENOUGH has been echoing in my head. Even when I didn’t value myself, I was enough. The same way money doesn’t lose it’s value just because it’s filthy, been mishandled, stomped on, torn edges,  been misplaced, shriveled up, etc. I never lost my worth just because I didn’t see it or when others didn’t. My value didn’t change due to my scars. God reminded me he left the 99 to come and get me (Matt 18:12). That’s how precious I am to him (Is 43:4). I didn’t choose God, but He chose me. (John 15:16).

When I willingly walked away, he’s there patiently waiting for me to return. God knew me before I was formed in my mother’s womb, and he set me apart (Jer 1:5). You see, I was born Unique. There isn’t anyone like me. I’m one of a kind. I’m chosen. (1 Peter 2:9) God reminded me I’m more precious than rubies (Ps 3:15). I’m fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 149:14) I’m beautiful in every way (Song of Songs 4:7 NLT) I’m God’s accomplishment (Eph 2:10 CEB) God knows me by name and call me his (Is 43:1) Just because my value and my worth decreases in someone’s life it never did/have by God. He still sees me same. He’s love never waivers for me. His word says, “Nothing can separate me from him.” (Romans 8:35-39) His love doesn’t come with conditions. He loves me for who I am and who I’m becoming. He loves me in my mess and through my processes. He’s patient with me and extends grace. He loves me, regardless of what I’ve done. Why do we struggle with this feeling of not being not Enough? When God shows/tells us his thoughts towards us and who we are to him. I’m enough because God says I am.

My Daily Prayer

God help me to see myself the way you see me.”
Help my unbelief (Mark 9:24)

I hope this encourages you and resonates with you. You are Enough! Sometimes we need a reminder and something to combat the lies of the enemy. Repeat these things until you start to believe them about yourself. Stand on what God says you are and not anyone else. Yes, I know it’s hard because you have to change your perspective about how you see yourself. You have to reprogram your mind because, for too long, you’ve told yourself you weren’t good enough or worthy. I get it, and I can relate. This is something I have to daily. People are fickle and how they see you can/will change. But God doesn’t! So, don’t allow anyone to determine your worth or be your validation. Allow God to validate you!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. Please subscribe to my blog so you can stay current and get notifications of upcoming blogs. Be sure to leave feedback and share. Until next time. Stay Safe and remember You’re Enough!

My Black Is Beautiful

Hey you guys!! I hope you all have been doing well! I know it’s been a long time since I posted but I am getting back into the swing of things. I’ve been struggling with writing lately. It’s been a constant battle reminding myself to continue and that what I am doing is needed.

Since I have been working from home the desire to put clothes on has been non existent. I actually get annoyed when something requires me to have to. In so many words I feel like I let myself go. It seems my focus has been on things I don’t like about my body. Like how my thighs are spreading and beginning to touch. This muffin top I have developed has me self conscious about my body and my overall appearance . It’s crazy to live in a world that sees the color of my skin as something ugly and unworthy to live. Somehow throughout my life I viewed myself the same.

Throughout these unprecedented times it has been difficult mentally. Being in the house and being to myself seems all too familiar. Normally I would be in heaven being to myself and declining invitation to be a part of events. This has changed shocking I know. Although I still enjoy my me time, I get people out and have to recharge. I know my limits. Truthfully, I enjoy fellowshipping with people. I enjoy great conversations and creating memories. I used to think I didn’t love people but that wasn’t the case it’s just my love for people looked differently than others.

What/who have compared yourself to that hinders you from seeing the beauty in how you do things?

Learning new things about myself has been interesting. I’m redefining how I see things and my perspective. Why am I sharing things? Because I had to come to an understanding of the beauty of me. What does that mean? We all have overcome and conquered things. Is that not beautiful?  Choose to celebrate the beauty in your growth and your small victories. Choose to celebrate the beauty in protecting your peace. Choose to celebrate the beauty in loving yourself. Choose to celebrate the beauty in who you are. Choose to celebrate your Blackness.

No matter what the world tell us about our blackness.

Remember

You are Beautiful! You are Magical. You are Resilient! You are Powerful! You are Dope!

Bold.

Brave

Sexy

Wanted

Extraordinary

Sensational.

Remarkable

Phenomenal

Incomparable

Necessary

You’re A Queen

I decided to start back taking pictures. Well of myself for the time being. Falling in love with me while I rekindle my love for photography. I love capturing moments and creating memories. I’m taking myself on a journey. Have you been struggling with seeing yourself as beautiful then you should do this challenge with me. Click the link below: It’s a 21 days of beauty challenge. Starts tomorrow until August 21st.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/herbeautyregimen/?multi_permalinks=580167112661421%2C580230282655104%2C580202689324530&notif_id=1596235412267725&notif_t=group_activity&ref=notif

Lets remind ourselves of how Beautiful we are.

Finding My Voice

“There is too much life wrapped in your voice”

Have you ever talked yourself into a job unknowingly? Well, that happened to me about two months ago.  I was asked to speak about a Young Adult Event, “Be Your Best Self,”  to talk about Mental Health (my journey). When someone says they may need a favor from you run…..(LOL) 

I find it hard to believe at times that this is me in the video speaking in front of a crowd of people.  For someone who felt voiceless their entire life this is huge. I’ve always felt invisible and no one cared to hear what I had to say. I purposely stayed hidden in the background and shied away from attention. Now, here I am sharing my story/journey in front of unfamiliar and familiar faces.  

Few things I learned on my journey that I shared:

  1. It’s okay not to be okay 
  2. Grieve 
  3. Vulnerability
  4. Don’t Reject the Help God sends you
  5. Growth/Change

I hope you enjoy this video and it helps someone. Please be kind as this is my first time speaking and I was extremely nervous.  Leave a comment and feedback.

2 Corinthians 1:4 (MSG) He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.

Click on the link below to see video:

https://photos.app.goo.gl/RVH7HMtENSqw8jFM7

Being for other’s what I needed someone to be for me!