My Truth: Divorcing Me (Part 2) A Letter to Myself

Dear Tasha,

It’s over. It’s time for me to let you go. You have held on to me longer than you should have, and it’s killing you. I’m no good for you. I’ve been lying to you because I didn’t want to lose you. I’ve been telling you, you don’t have what it takes. I’ve been telling you, you can’t and shouldn’t, when it was fear telling me you would forget me. Fear telling me if you discover who you are, I could no longer exist in your world. So, I kept you bound with every failure and with every attempt to better yourself that ended badly. Reminding you that you’re worthless and didn’t have what it takes. I would use your mistakes and bad decisions against you. Replaying word curses you’ve spoken and others in your mind. I wanted you to continue to feel lost and remove all hope. I used your past against you. I kept telling you people didn’t see you. They only saw the labels you’ve collected over time.

You see, I always knew you had what it takes because with each blow you overcame. You survived it. Yes, I know it was hard and you wanted to quit. Somehow you found the strength to keep moving and pressing forward. This is why I’m “DIVORCING” you. This is why this time I have to set you free. Because if I don’t you’ll continue to stay where it’s comfortable. You’ll continue to cling to me because the new version of yourself scares you. You’ve had a glimpse of her and instantly began to think you’ll never become her. You tell God he chose wrong. You’ve counted yourself out for so long it made it hard to fathom what’s inside you is needed. You’ve pushed everyone to become the best version of themselves. While you tell yourself you can never “BECOME“. You’ve lost hope and stopped believing completely. You’ve asked yourself how much more do I have to endure? Last year almost took you out. You lost more of yourself than you imagined. You considered ended your life because you wanted the pain to end. You’ve had your share of hardships. You started to believe you can have the life you dreamed of. It seemed you were finally getting your happily ever after and it “SHATTERED” right before your eyes. No one knew that was the last straw for you. No one knew this sucked the life out of you.

This life-changing event propelled you into an updated version of yourself. I know you’re angry. I know you don’t understand why such extreme measures were taken to get you where you are now. You’ve asked God so many questions concerning it. It made you question your faith and stop believing. Tasha, I know you don’t see why it was necessary. You ask yourself why even continue fighting? Please, hear me out. You have to keep going. You can’t stop here. Don’t give up on yourself. You’re closer than you think. I will no longer stand in your way. I now understand you’re not leaving me but you’re just evolving. You’re making us better. You finally see there is more to you than what I’ve allowed you to believe. You now see you’ve been the only one holding yourself back. Yes, it’s okay to want others to come along for the ride. However, they are just a bonus.

You’re a visionary. So, now it’s time to stop running. It’s time to embrace the transformation and quit fighting it. It’s time to let go of the old version of yourself. You haven’t been “HER” for quite some time. You’ve been waiting for your world to fall apart because it always has. Pain has been such a constant in your life. You’ve become blind to when you’ve healed from it. So, you continue to flirt with it (Pain). It’s time to let go of old mindsets, it’s time to unlearn bad habits, it’s time to reprogram your mind. No, it won’t be easy. Change never is but you can do it. You’ll make mistakes but extend yourself grace. People will leave you but don’t allow their absence to stop you. Yes, it hurts because you thought they wanted the same for you. You thought when it became your turn they would reciprocate what you had given them. You were just grieved with disappointment and sad truth. You have feared learning if people had your back as they said. Your eyes have been open, and now you must press forward. I will not allow you to stop here. You have grown tremendously. You don’t give yourself enough credit. You focused on what you have lost instead of all you gained. Grieve it and let it go. You are remarkable. You are resilient and do not be afraid of succeeding. You have what it takes to sustain. I’ve signed and dated the divorce papers. Now, it’s waiting for your signature.

Sincerely,

The old Me,